I had to chuckle a few nights ago as I sat with my mother listening to the speaker at the retreat we are attending. I misunderstood the directions she gave to choose a number one and a number two. I immediately chose 1, jotting it down on my paper. Then she went on to explain that 1 was a safe choice while 2 was a hard but more satisfying choice. Since I had chosen before the explanation I raised my hand when she asked who chose 1. (The only one in the room, haha) She asked me what that choice was. I said it is the safe choice. Oops, did I just identify myself as a safety lover? As I suddenly understood she had meant us to choose AFTER the explanation I had to chuckle as my life has been anything but safe. (I also need to listen better)

The childhood I had, the choices I have made, the choices my husband and I have made have often had nothing to do with safety, but instead what we felt the Lord was leading us to (often times with much kicking and screaming) . We have had hard times, rough spots, been in plenty, been in poverty. We have loved deeply, been hurt deeply, but we have also learned deeply. We have cried over failures, laughed over success, held tight to each other when all seemed against us. We are about halfway through our life journey (unless the Lord chooses to bless us Home sooner). Life is crazy, and probably always will be.

I find myself still choosing. Will I take the hard road to blessing with all the trials that entails? Or make a safe choice that is comfortable but leads to nowhere. I feel like it is a daily battle but the blessings, the triumphs, the close relationship to my God is worth every hard moment, every broken, sobbing, ugly bit. Safety is not an option.

Did Jesus choose safety when he chose to come to earth to redeem us from God’s judgement? Did he choose safety when he created us as free willed and stubborn people? Did he choose safety as he hung bleeding and dying on the cross? No. How then can I, whose entire eternity depends upon Him and his love for me, not but follow in his footsteps. Do I always want to? No. But I have to. I have to because He is everything that is beautiful. I have to because from Him comes strength when I’m hanging on by a fingernail. I have to because when the world is horrible and scary and insane around me, his peace, that I don’t even understand, envelops me and sustains me.

Safe. Only in His will am I truly, utterly, eternally safe. So maybe I do make the safe choice, because I will always choose Him.